You can't special order awesome
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
