i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
