I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
