don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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