My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
