I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
