Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
