you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
