Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
