I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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