Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
