You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
