if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she smelled like a LAN party
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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