I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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