You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
