Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
