Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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