I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
