Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize