i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
