i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
