this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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