did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Randomize
