There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
