i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
