theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
