Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i drank out of a bidet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
