When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
