I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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