You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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