THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I touched a dick in church today
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
