After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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