I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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