I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
