I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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