i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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