Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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