how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You are the jesus of drinking
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
