I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My cat gives me a boner
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize