i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
