Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize