Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
