Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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