She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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