The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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