so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
