Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
