So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
