she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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