You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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