evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
