eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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