She is in my trunk
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
