I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
