Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
