I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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