i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He kissed a someone with a penis
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
