Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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