Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
