I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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