So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
