it's too hot outside to masturbate.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
