PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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