Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
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Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life