its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?