apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He felt like a one man threesome
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I need a beard to bite.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
