she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed