I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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