alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.