There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am available for nakedness
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass