I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.